Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Friday, December 17, 2010

That's Not What That's For!!!!

"Lawd, what ya think wrong wit 'em?!?!" is what my grandmother might outcry upon reading such a story as this. Me? I say, "Hoes be dumb, yeah."


If you skipped the link (which I doubt) this is what you should know by now. Apparently some young lady thought it would be a good idea to take on an unintended and very violent use for a utensil that is possibly the most benign of holiday feast preparation tools. Simply put: a bitch went off with a turkey baster. The assailant, one Quenika Johnson 20 years old, got into a skirmish with a family member and proceeded to attack said kin with the seasoning implement.

Now I wasn't there but from the scant details provided in the article, I have conjured up something of a "dramatization" in my mind. I will share it with you.

(Enter QUENIKA to the kitchen to find her family member there)
QUENIKA: Bitch what you was doin by MY fuckin' nigga mama house?!
TIKA (I made the family member a girl and gave her a name): Bitch he ain't yerns no mo!
QUENIKA: One thing about bitch, this MY nigga if you believe dat shit or not.
TIKA: He ain't told ME dat shit, so until he do, bitch, Juice MY nigga.
QUENIKA: Bitch, I got two'a dis nigga kids. Nah what tha fuck you got fuh'em?
TIKA: One on the way thanks to dis shit right'chea. (Mockingly, TIKA brandishes the baster then QUENIKA snatches it)
QUENIKA: And I'm bot tuh fix dat shit right mutha fuckin nah. (In a fit of passionate rage QUENIKA attacks TIKA with turkey baster)
(They tussle fiercely until TIKA gains her footing and scrambles for the nearest exit.)
TIKA: (Badly beaten and with her eye punctured by the instrument) Bitch, watch how fast them fuckin people be on you! I'ma fix yo fuckin ass. Watch!

(Exit TIKA)
(End scene)

Feel like you were there right? I know I did when my head came up with it all of a sudden. You might say that my dramatization was stereotypical but I say everywhere I go I see the same hoes. And these hoes are ALWAYS fighting over some dude. No matter what may have immediately caused tempers to flare, some little boy is always at the center of the argument fanning the flames, especially at the age of 20. Maybe it wasn't such a scintillating subject as I have depicted it but when a girl goes of like that in New Orleans, there is no doubt that it has SOMETHING to do with "her nigga".

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