Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Monday, December 6, 2010

"DeDeT, Why Can't I Find a Good Man?"

A few weeks ago, after witnessing the dating frustrations of a person I once considered a friend, I discovered that there might be a few women out there who were seriously deluding themselves about the real reasons why they have such difficulty finding a "good man". With this epiphany I decided that some of my guidance might be necessary. When I offered her my very humble opinion, it was brutally rebuffed. Then I decided that maybe I should be less humble about my advice since delusional hoes tend to be defensive. Since then I have been determined to (one status update at a time) reveal to those who are lost whatever directions in life they have missed, but my status updates aren't nearly enough to correct ALL that wrong. To be truly effective, these aphorisms of mine need to be expounded upon and eloquently at that. So without further delay, I give you my first Blogger installment of "DeDeT, Why Can't I Find a Good Man?"

Maybe it's because you're still wearing clothes from two years (and thirty pounds) ago and NEWS FLASH: They were a wee bit snug and played out back then.

So ladies I know if you're anything like me, you don't claim to be some manner of great fashionista but SOME of us out there have no idea how to dress ourselves whatsoever. People will often throw out the platitude "The woman makes the clothes. The clothes don't make the woman." In the context of this conversation, such a blanketed statement could not be further from the truth. The truth is that it is all to easy for the clothes you wear to make you appear to be the type of nonsense that you don't claim yourself to be (i.e., a hoe of the bargained sort). When you go to Rainbow, Rave and It's Fashion and raid the $5 rack without taking into account that some things (no matter how frugal) aren't always a steal of a deal, you'll pay for it later when you are met with many stares of disapproval. Don't get me wrong, I'm broke as a joke. But I still know what looks good on me and what makes me look like I just crawled off the avenue. In this economy, it is a very good idea to be conscious of one's spending, but when it comes to the way you wish to be perceived by the opposite sex, some corners should not be cut so sharply.

When you are on the hunt for a "good man", what is the VERY first thing he will see? That's right--your outer appearance. So if you look like a skeezer what else is there to lead a man to any other conclusion about your dateability? Do you think he'll really give you the opportunity to open your mouth and prove him right? Why bother? You're probably just as dumb as you look wearing those tight, unflattering clothes that REEK of "2 for 1 Clearance Rack". With that in mind, how do you think a man would naturally approach such an obviously indiscriminate woman? Correct answer: With hard dick and bubble gum. That's all a hoe really needs to survive in this world anyway. Pimpin' takes care of the rest, therefore, you will often be met with "pimp game". Of course there are some indiscriminate men out there who will undoubtedly approach ALL women the same way, no matter how she looks but a "good one" may not approach you at all.

Additionally, ladies, some of us are not being honest with ourselves about our SIZE. I know it's a truly fucked up feeling when you put on those 14s and they feel a little bit more snug than you remember but we mustn't shy away from the reality of the situation. You can't make them thangs fit like they used to no matter how much "give" they have. Just because you can still put it on doesn't mean that you SHOULD. Trust me you'll be more attractive in the right size than you are squeezed uncomfortably into the wrong one. Not only does it tell a man that you're lying to yourself about how you look, it also shows that you've let yourself go. Do yourself a favor and don't EVER let a man see too much of what the future would hold for him in the event that he would consider a long-term arrangement with you. We all know that one day we all will most likely put on some pounds as we age but damn, at least let the man enjoy how you look NOW.

And if it seems as though I'm leaning too much toward the male point of view, consider this ladies: Would you be running into the arms of a man who was dressed like he just rolled out of bed and lazily decided that whatever he had on was sufficient for any occassion? Would you rest your future in the hands of a man who looked like he borrowed his little brother's t-shirt and his sister's jeans? Would you procreate with another human being who was obviously so careless and jaded? Maybe you would... which is why you can't find a good man.

(REAL TALK DISCLAIMER: I ain't sayin' I got it all together my damn self but that doesn't mean I don't know shit. So if this offends you, then I must speaking directly to you. You can either get on your game or get off my damn page. It's up to you ma'am.

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