Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's a Wrap

So... Rihanna's AMA not-so-hairdo. You saw it. I heard about it. I performed an image search. Subsequently I formed an opinion. Upon first viewing of these photos with cute little blinged out, Bobbi pinned RiRi I said, "Bitch, you's a WHOLE mess. I guess you were on your way to the Valero to get a hot pickle and some pork rinds when you got a text from your manager telling you to get your black ass to the AMAs." Then I rejected that thought, hastily replaced it with another and probably gave Rihanna too much credit and invaluable time in the process... this would be what you are now reading. Even if she didn't intend for it to be or doesn't possess the wherwithal to grasp such an abstract notion, I think RiRi's wrap is mad womanist.

As you know, I wail against stupidity in general but I am most passionate about the way black women are portrayed in the media. Why? Because more than any means of communication, social and mass media shape the PERCEPTION of a culture and, through some kind of unholy osmosis, the culture itself. Lately black women have been run through the media wringer and just how the Colorado River tried to play the Grand Canyon we have been worn down and cut through by a seemingly unstoppable ancient force. Also eerily similar to this same wonder of nature, we are a glorious sight to behold in spite of our weathering. With this, the black woman's figurative social erosion in mind, I think it's beautiful that RiRi stepped out dressed to give these hoes HELL with face beat to the cosmos and her hair done in what is unanimously known to sistas as our "Dear God please don't let anybody see me as I make this midnight run to WalMart" maintenance style and was STILL a glamour beast. It just goes to show that even at our supposed "worst", fellow Negresses, we can still face those flashing lights with dignity and F.A.C.E. (Fierce Attitude and Confidence Effortless.)

I am also quite interested in the very creatively ignorant ways this non-hairstyle is being described/interpreted by our pigment bereft brethren. My favorite was "faux pixie crop". (Meanwhile on #BlackTwitter... broads are doubled-over in tears of laughter.) It just goes to show that even without understanding the most benign and fundamental components of our daily lives, non-blacks assume they just KNOW what makes us "us". Baby, you can't even BEGIN to dig it. Go 'head, Ri.

Miss Girl said "Fuck ya award show. Picture me rolling when I comb this down tomorrow morning."

Next thing you know Miley and crew will be trying to brush that lil piece of hair she got around the circumference of her skull with all kinds of Bobbi pins and clips and thangs. Good luck, ho.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

On this "The Best Man" .gif ish...

(that you people probably don't remember because it happened over 30 minutes ago but DDT does not forget).

1. Y'all hoes petty as all fuck.

2. Stop hatin' and get money.

3. Shit like this is the reason why 
Tyler Perry is still relevant in black film, television and theatre.

4. Yes, 3 out of the 4 black leading men in the quintessential black Rom-Com are in reality booed-up with white women. So the fuck what?? Let these niggas live! Yes, one of them is nearly every black woman's boy-next-door fantasy crush and one is the nice young man that spent just a little too much time in the library (but could still get it) and the other one has green eyes and "good" hair... but does the race of their spouses equal to the ejection of black women from the good black man's dating pool? No indeed. All it means is that THESE THREE black men, for whatever reason, have decided to mate with snowflakes... and how many of you genuinely give a damn?? If you can be counted in that number, I have no choice but to feel sorry for your lack of better things to do.

I am somewhat interested however in the motive behind this much reposted image. Perhaps it was a brotha that has been so brow-beaten by his woman's incessant cooing over the actors in the film while asserting that he ain't shit in comparison, that he decided to knock her and every black woman in America down a peg. Maybe it was an embittered sista whose sincerest devotions had been abused by one too many disingenous, womanizing black men and she wanted to expose Taye Diggs and co. for the "traitorous niggas" that they really are. It might have even been a white girl with a severe enough case of jungle fever to start a malicious smear campaign against the legitimacy of black love. Or maybe it was some white boy tired of being snubbed by black women simply because we're so hung up on the ideal of our "beautiful black kings" that we refuse to entertain notions of dating any non-Negro other than Robin Thicke or Robert Downey Jr. Whosoever the perpetrator just know that the mutha fucka is very likely narrow-minded and short-sighted.

And I know what you may be thinking, dear loyal reader: DeDeT, you're a comedian and whatnot--since when can't you take a joke? My reply: I can take a joke just fine, ho. What I do NOT have it for is hack work that further promotes the farce of black female nothingness that is supposedly our day-to-day condition. 10 times out of 10... I ain't laughing at that dumb shit. Everyday on Twitter, Instagram and all other social media outlets black women (and self-appointed black woman elect Miley Cyrus) get dragged for F I L T H, baby. Yeah, everybody laughs, cries, dies and retweets, but what I wanna know is, when will black women and our imposed novelty no longer be a part of society's running gag? When will our torment no longer be something to poke fun at? And WHEN will you broads stop P A R T I C I P A T I N G in your own subjugation????