Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"She's Like Gandhi With Amazing Tits!!!" (Side B)

If any of you read my last post you probably feel the same way about it that I do--it left MUCH to be desired. I searched my soul real deep and then I realized what my most recent Wail lacked--THE OVERWHELMING POWER OF THE PUSSY!

Yes! The pussy is strong! And when faced with the indomitable power of pussy, men breakdown like stress in a stainless steel grinder. The presence of Amber Rose's pussy was far too overwhelming for Peter Rosenberg's glaring criticisms to stand up to and he went SOFT. (Pun almost, kinda, most definitely intended.) For this much I applaud Miss Amber Rose. Why rant and rave when you can sit back and let your transgressors fall prey to your irresistible feminine charms? Why waste energy with battle when you can (with minimal effort on your part) persuade your opponents to helplessly submit to your will? Does the matador charge into the ring just like the bull or does he outwit the beast (after it has been weakened by severe blood loss of course)?

Men are at a severe disadvantage when it comes to women like Amber Rose. Sure a man can talk plenty good shit behind a woman's back (usually because he can't have her or he had her now he wishes to contradict whatever psychologically debilitating effects her pussy has had on his fragile male ego) but when that scorned woman, now standing directly in front of that once discerning male, bats her eyelashes, smiles real sweet, homey sheds all his sense of principle. "Wow! She cares about, like, humanity and stuff. She's so real..." All of a sudden Amber Rose wins the award for most remarkable and impressive woman in the world and is acquitted of all prior accusations of fucking her way to an unafforded status of celebrity. (That gentle purr in her voice didn't hurt her case either.) Amber Rose had pussy oozing from her every word and Rosenberg lapped up every sweet, sticky drop of seduction that fell from her lips.

As an objective listener I like to see any situation from all sides and I feel it is my duty to address whatever interpretations may come. So maybe Amber Rose WAS objectified. Maybe she was belittled. She was very possibly even degraded but ask Amber Rose and she might have something different to say...

Therefore Miss Amber Rose, I'll repeat, I ain't mad at cha. If sex is your weapon of choice, fire at will, maw and don't miss. I can dig it.

WHEW! I feel SO much better... how 'bout y'all?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

"She's Like Gandhi with Amazing Tits..."

What the hell kinda male chauvinist bull shit is that?!?


That substance bereft radio broadcast that you may or may not have bothered to listen to was young Miss Amber Rose's "confrontation" of Peter Rosenberg on Hot 97 about the criticisms he made concerning her latest book-writing pursuit. Allegedly he'd on a previous broadcast asserted that her fame was unfounded thus she had no cause for hammering out a written account of her semi-charmed, recently fabulous life. On that much, I would have to agree with Mr. Rosenberg. I don't see much point in her producing yet ANOTHER scandal laden autobiography about sex, "the hip-hop game," stripper stories, and similar professional arm-candy tales of coonery. I believe the literary world wouldn't miss just this one, but write ya book, maw. I ain't mad at cha... but I digress. Amber Rose's somewhat contrived and conspicuous stab at authorship is not what this post is about. Over the course of this enduring 45 minute broadcast, I heard Amber Rose tell her side of her story. I heard her defend her accidental fame and public image as it pertains to her much discussed associations with high-profile penises. I even heard her touch on some of her personal world views that had a an almost brassy air of genuine concern for the underclass. What I ALSO heard was Cipha Sounds and Peter Rosenberg objectify and patronize Amber Rose AT LENGTH and flatter her into submission. Yeah she dissed Funkmaster Flex and called him an asshole but he wasn't even there. Peter Rosenberg however WAS there and she was gentle as a lamb in dealing with him.

(Side Wail: Perhaps Amber Rose is of mild-manner. Perhaps she is just so jaded by her attributed celebrity (which is primarily based on her looking a certain way) that such affronts do not take root with her. But a broad like me? If the dude who dragged me through the gutter just a day prior was now sitting directly in front of me, I would rain hot liquid female fury all over his life. Ain't no mutha fuckin way that I would let that clown sit in my mutha fuckin face cheesing, schmoozing, grinning and going on and on about how "beautiful" I am when just 24 hours ago I wasn't shit to this dude. Naw. To hell with that. Answer for your offenses or be dealt with, douche.)

Even though I listened to this broadcast hoping to hear Amber Rose draw some figurative blood from her offenders, I approached the situation with a general understanding of how "important" it is for female "celebrities" to present an amicable front so not to appear socially abrasive or confrontational. Women who come into fame the way Amber Rose, Kim Kardashian and others who have (through social osmosis) gained overnight fame must maintain a certain likability because without it they are no longer every man's fantasy or every woman's idealized symbol of male-coveted female perfection to love/hate. Talk too much, push too hard, show too much individual strength and you become all too real. One thing I've observed in popular culture that reality is bad for business if your business is being a sexual commodity. And for a "woman of color" who is promoted as a sexual commodity, she has to be content with having a big round ass, nice perky tits and no will of her own outside of chasing cash and partying and sleeping with the most sought after celebrities popular culture has to offer. Just fuck these rappers/actors/ball players/moguls, make out with a few equally hot girls, overindulge in overpriced champagne, make bold fashion choices, stir up a little scandal and shut the hell up.

I found that Amber Rose's overall response to their shamelessly puerile cajolery was reminiscent of the nonthreatening giggling school girl who lives for the attention of her cohorts. I honestly don't know shit about her outside of this one 45 minute radio show but she clearly allowed these men to belittle her by focusing on her sexual commodity rather than her human worth. Rosenberg and Cipha outright degraded Amber by (at times quite graphically) harping on her more sexually arousing attributes while she just smiled and politely acquiesced to their blatantly demeaning flirtations. She entered the conversation as a woman brave enough to confront her uninformed critics and exited a little girl content to to lean on her vanity for moral support. She even made a few maybe vain attempts to take something of a "political" stand but she was easily subdued by the condescent of her moderators' whose sexual self-control appears to have gone unchecked since puberty. When she referenced the backlash she received after posting pictures of the desolation in Ghana because she felt it was more important that the world see that rather than yet another photo essay in the lifestyles of the rich and famous, Mr. Rosenberg chimed in with his "Gandhi with amazing tits" comparison and quelled the slight swell of activism in her identity that has been represented as purely sexual. Throughout the interview Cipha Sounds and Peter Rosenberg made certain that this image of Amber Rose as a bodied sex vixen was the one that stuck with their listeners. At times it seemed it was actually their goal to solidify her rather banal oversexed persona by not allowing her much elbow room to possibly challenge her "fans" to see her any differently.

To be fair by allowing this one-dimensional ideal of unquestionable vixenhood to prevail, Amber Rose participated in her own media prostitution; therefore she must be as basely sexual as we all perceive her to be... or maybe she has been made to believe that, as a woman, it is much safer to be revered as a man's every fantasy than rejected as a woman with her own mind that she uses to think critically of the world around her. I would like to believe that deep inside Amber Rose there is a woman who has a passion for helping those who are less fortunate but as long as she is willing to cooperate with a system that exploits her just as much as it keeps those babies who moved her so deeply in Ghana hungry and sick, she will remain another cog in the great oppressive machine. Just like with any of us who want to change the world for the better, Amber Rose would first have to recognize her role as a media pawn for the patriarchy and understand that an individual revolution would need to happen before a larger one could occur.

Conversely if her claims of a having spirit of charity were only veneerings of her cliche public image as "the rapper's sexy girlfriend," I wish her all the success in the world being a career implement of sexism and a willing victim of male-ego driven psychosexual slavery. With such lovely parts, why should she object to simply being the sum of them?