Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Friday, April 29, 2011

Honey, Yeah-Oh... You So Sweet

Anyone who's seen my blog knows my passion in life. (Look to your left. Yes. Him.) Jack Daniels has been there for me in times of trial and tribulation. Through dangers seen and unseen, he has been my right arm. He has been in my morning coffee and my evening McDonald's sweet tea. He has even been my excuse for "engaging" less than attractive men folk and then never calling them again. Now Senor Daniels have given me an even better reason to be unruly and unconscionable. From this day forward I take NO responsibility for my actions. Why? THIS is why...


Now, before I sampled and OFFICIALLY tasted Jack Daniels Honey, I researched the stringent guidelines for proper whiskey tasting. After which these guidelines were immediately ignored because I'm lazy. BUT (that's a big but) as a bartender and connoisseur of fine drinkables I have to say that Jack Daniels Honey gets an A as far as American whiskeys go. Here in the states we don't have too many GREAT well aged whiskeys. Sure there's Woodford and Makers (Jack's fancy city cousin) but Jack Daniels set the bar for affordable, casual American Bourbons, Whiskeys and Ryes a long time ago. Old No. 7 has gotten ugly bitches laid for years but in 2011 they took it a step further. Now deplorable men will ALSO get the goodness thanks to Uncle Jack. Jack Daniels Honey is much easier for the untrained palliate to keep down on a semi-empty stomach! From here on out you uppity, siddity hoes can pretend to be bad ass while actually still being fake as the fuck by taking shot after sweet delicious shot of Jack Daniels Honey. It even has 5% less alcohol than the original Jack Daniels but who will know the difference but you? (Nobody cause niggas don't read.) Jack Daniels Honey is wonderful chilled, on the rocks or even straight up. It goes down smooth and don't come up rough. In my specialized DeDeT taste test, me and my cousin finished a whole bottle in roughly 3 hours whereas 1/5 of Old No. 7 would have taken us at LEAST five hours to devour. We really made good time on that bitch which leads me to believe the average brizzle could EASILY be coerced into four or five straight shots of this ish. On top of that, for the everyday Jack drinker, this Honey variation is quite flavorful and robust and really retains that Old No. 7 timbre. If you truly enjoy Jack Daniels, Jack Daniels Honey will ensure your loyalty to the sour mash cause. 

The moral of the story is:

Jack Daniels Honey is the shit and as an unattractive man it may very well get you to home base if not at least a STRONG third. Buy some and put it somewhere convenient.

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