The young man who quoth such ignorance was actually my "ex." (We were only "on" for a month so I find it hard to count him officially.) I think he may still be a little sore that I broke up with him so abruptly but I had my reasons. I could see far enough around the bend to know that there wasn't anything up there for me so I diverted from that path--QUICKLY. There was no malice on my part either. I didn't hate him. I still don't, but I do see him for exactly what he is--a man who is too insecure to really handle a woman like me. (Now I know there may be a couple dudes out there who'll counter with, "You're just a bitch and you refuse to admit that fact to yourself." To all those disparaging cats I would reply, "I'm not a bitch, suga. I'm just an asshole. When you call me, call me right.")
Cool your jets, boys! I'm not tryna cut anybody down with that statement. I'm not suggesting that all men are weak punks who "can't handle me." I know there are some inadequate mutha fuckas out there masquerading as men but I don't put every guy I meet in that category. I do not find pleasure in giving men grief and I don't go out of my way to compete with them either. I don't want to try on your pants. My booty shorts serve me just fine. I am simply a woman who knows herself well enough to know that she can't possibly fit into every man's mold of an "Ideal Mate."
ANYWAY... back to the tale. The other night my ex and I were engaged in a dialogue and if my memory serves me he said something about it being "a man's world." Once he caught on to the abrupt change in my energy, he attempted to soften the blow by saying, "But you know how it goes. It wouldn't be nothin' without a woman or a girl." And so it began. I could bore you with the most accurate transcript that I could produce from memory but who gives a fuck about every word that was said? Certainly not I. The summary is, as I began to wail on him with the eloquence that only I can he grew weary. Then the defeat began to seep in and that is what yielded the statement "You're gonna end up marrying some weak nigga who'll just let you push him around." Then began another wailing session:
DDT: What the FUCK you mean "end up with," son? So you sayin that I won't be able to "find a man" so I will simply "end up with" whatever scraps of manhood the human race has left behind for me to ravage?
X: I didn't mean that. I--
DDT: Before you continue let me hip you to some shit real quick: 1. Marriage ain't somethin' that I'm bout. 2. I'm not LOOKING for somebody to even have to "end up" with somebody. 3. I don't WANT to be with a weak nigga which is why I broke up with you. A nigga like you always feels the need to be justified in his manhood which is why you want a woman who just serves you without question. I don't want a man who always has something to prove by competing with me. That's not a strong man. So don't lie to yourself and figure that you were just too much for me 'cause you was exactly the opposite.
But did I wanna go off on that mutha fucka like that? No. That wasn't even in the plan. But I find it truly infuriating when men like my ex declare that any woman with an opinion wants a spineless puppy that she can lead around on a leash of verbal abuse. True, there are some dumb hoes who want that manner of man-bitch accessory to complete their Baby's First Serious Relationship Kits, but not every woman needs to lord over her man to qualify her own strength. "Men" like that never dare to assume that maybe they're just not the right man for any and EVERY woman. They act as though it would be impossible for ANY man to tolerate a woman who's not only bold and intelligent but one who won't deny those facts just to soothe a man's ego. Trust the plus... I KNOW there are some real serious cunts out there but sometimes, brotha, your insecurity is the reason why you can't see yourself coping with a certain kind of female. If you feel like you're not good enough for her with then that's on you but don't charge it to what you imagine is her over-confidence as a "mere woman."
In the case of my ex, I strongly doubt that he ever thought to himself "Maybe I could stand to be less insecure. Maybe I shouldn't throw around the fact that I'm a man just to make sure that she respects it." By pressing the issue of his masculinity upon me so often, in my eyes it had been negated. I can't deal with that kind of bravado. I like a man who knows his nuts well enough to just BE a man without all the pretentious demonstrations of his gender. When we were together he was always competing with me. He was always trying to "out man" me. He was always trying to out drink me. He was compelled to make sure everybody knew that he regularly put his dick in me when he felt like he was losing ground as "the man" in the relationship. He was always trying to prove that I wasn't "hard" and that I wasn't a "thug." Bruh I KNOW ain't no thug and I most DEF ain't tryna be one! I don't slang dope! I don't kill mutha fuckas! I read BOOKS! I'm 'bout the STRUGGLE. I'm 'bout bettering my PEOPLE. Don't try to downplay my demeanor as a caricature of how a "real nigga" is supposed to behave just to make yourself feel like less of a bitch when you're standing next to me.
Then again, maybe I'm all the way wrong and there truly is no country for an unconventionally bawdy broad like me who refuses to adhere to the typical gender role of a "girl." Still though... fuck dat dude.
REAL TALK DISCLAIMER: Honestly, the convo betwixt the young man and I really went sour prior to his arrogant omen when he tried to put the FUCKING CHARGERS on a pedestal over the Saints. Then when I said "Well, show me ya rings, bitch and I'll kiss em," he came at me with "You ain't even from New Orleans." That one right there threw all my good nature out the fuckin DOE, ya heard me. I can't deal with a bitch ass mutha fucka who can't accept simple facts nor can I deal with a bitch ass mutha fucka who tries to discredit me on some superficial shit. After that everything he said was grounds for battle.
(W H O D A T ? ! ? !)
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