Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Saturday, August 27, 2011

"DeDeT Why Can't I Find A Good Man?"

Maybe it's because you outchea looking HARD for "Your Barack" when you, Madame, ain't no Michelle.

OK ladies, why is it that so many of you are searching for qualities in a mate that you do not possess yourself? You want a man who can read above a 12th grade level yet the last piece of literature you picked up was Noire's Candy Licker. (I'm here to tell ya today that urban e-fuckin-rotica does NOT constitute intellectually stimulating prose. Don't lie to yourself, maw.) You want a worldly man with a degree from an accredited university and a six-figure income but you, dear, went to a university, beauty college, Blue Cliff and Devry only to quit them all after under two semesters. You spend the bulk of your earnings to feign the semblance of social standing with over priced knock-offs & a mask chemically engineered by the brilliant minds of MAC so you can go to the most exclusive & upscale clubs every weekend to compete with dumb hoes just like yourself for men who may or may not have the keys to the glamorous lifestyle you crave. And don't let the DJ put on "No Hands." You'll drop it to the flo' for any bystander with a dick at the drop of the beat and won't give a fuck how short and tight that skirt is when you do. Panties be DAMNED, you wanna be seen. If a brotha has V.I.P. access and has purchased a few bottles you'll LEAP at the chance to rendezvous with him after the club at the venue of his choosing (as long as it is certain that someone else will see you with him). After which you'll find out that he wasn't "balling" like he claimed. That Infiniti was a rental and the electricity in his one-room, furniture challenged efficiency has been cut off because he spent his last check to stunt at the club... just like you.

Meanwhile "The Barack" you so eagerly sought that night most likely passed your pretty, petty, pretentious, materialistic ass RIGHT up for a woman whose conversational skills surpassed that of the latest Basketball Wives beef, and you probably passed HIM up because he wasn't a patron of the V.I.P. section...

But does your foolish ass ever frequent a fuckin' book store aisle? Not really. Do you ever go to a social event that has nothing to do with a birthday/album release/poorly themed party at the trendiest club? Nope. What of any self-enriching activities? Have you any of those that do not circulate around being seen by a man? Of course you don't because for you getting a "good man" is all the enrichment you require.

I'm not saying that you dumb hoes don't deserve a good man. (Actually some of you hoes probably don't to be quite frank.) All I'm saying is that PERHAPS some self-improvement might be helpful. Maybe if you concentrated on being better ONLY FOR YOURSELF you would be able to attract a man with something on his mind other than putting the whole of his effort into being a carbon copy of Drake/Trey Songz/Chris Brown. I'm just saying... as you strive for maturity, maturity will be drawn to you. Even if you don't believe me, it can't possibly hurt your chances to give that shit a try, can it?

I can already hear some of you hoes cryin' "Well, bitch where's your man? How the fuck you know so much about getting one?" And I'd have to say that all of you dumb hoes are absolutely right. I don't have "a man," so what do I know about getting one? I'm too busy trying to build a foundation for myself BY MYSELF to even entertain the idea of getting out in the streets with you dumb broads just so I can engage in a footrace to mediocrity and co-dependence anyway. I should have never put my two cents up for grabs...

Bitch, I ain't better. I'm just better equipped.

No comments:

Post a Comment