Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Only The FINEST of Breast Milk Baby Dolls...


As you all may know by now I have a general disdain for Bill O'Reilly and every word that spews from his bigoted mouth. Today is no different but this ONE time at least he was pointed in the direction of a valid issue even though in my opinion he assessed it in ALL the wrong ways.


Pop O'Reilly has taken issue with a breast-feeding doll that is in circulation on the European market but has offended the "delicate" sensibilities of American retailers. Boss Hog seems to think such a toy "sexualizes" young girls to the point of affront. I don't know what homey's opinions are on Barbie dolls with big boobs, anatomically ridiculous waistlines, curvy hips, long legs, short skirts and sky-high heels and what they do to chasten the millions of little girls worldwide, but something tells me he missed the mark on what is truly wrong with this breastfeeding doll: the shit is just weird as all fuck.

The problem with this toy is not that it sexualizes little girls or that it robs them of their childhood in any way. The problem is that somebody actually thought up a doll for undeveloped girls to pretend they have imaginary grown woman milk jugs and feed a tiny suckling inanimate object with them, hence "weird as all fuck." On top of that, it only further promotes the ideal that the main goal of ANYTHING with a vagina on this planet should be motherhood as though simple womanhood ain't quite cuttin' it. Are there any toys that promote fatherhood to little boys? Are there any get-a-good-job-to-take-care-of-your-family games out there? Of course not. In their play, boys are encouraged to live out fantasies not provide for and raise kids. Girls' toys encourage them to live out the patriarchal notion of a woman's fantasies (i.e., looking pretty and taking care of babies). Boys' playthings encourage them to be carefree and imaginative. Sure those toys reinforce macho ideals like being the strongest, fastest or most powerful but there's nothing in those messages about how to be an adequate father. Yet we wonder why so many young/grown men display such detachment from their children and women use their looks and their babies like bargaining chips for attention or worse, financial security.

What I dislike about the commentary surrounding the breastfeeding doll is the suggestion that Americans shy away from nursing and view it as socially unacceptable or somewhat perverse. Breastfeeding is the most natural part of motherhood. There is nothing perverse about it. What's perverse is that men, with the help of many women, have taken yet another stop toward reinforcing the idea of motherhood over womanhood. I don't have anything against motherhood but I feel like little girls have more to aspire to than being happy little baby factories. I don't have any kids myself so I don't claim to know what parents should teach them outside of making those muh'fuckas act like they have some damn sense in my presence. What I DO know is what it means to be little girl that had to clumsily work her way into the mandate of womanhood and I promise you I didn't have to practice breastfeeding on a doll to determine what these lumps are for. As a woman with her own tits I can say that one tends to figure out their many functions. I know we're trying to maintain the species but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Before these little girls have been truly taught where babies come from you wanna throw the aftermath at 'em! That's kind of out of order don't you think? I'm not saying that this will send 10 year-olds flying into the streets to get knocked up so they can make a real baby to feed but damn... can we establish a cause THEN an effect in their young developing minds?

I do think Americans may be reluctant to engage in conversation with to their little girls on what leads up to the breastfeeding portion of the program and I can dig it. Kids that young may have a hard time truly grasping the breadth and depth of the concepts of human reproduction but there comes a time when that talk must be had. Developing structured sexual education programs nationwide to properly teach girls all the ins and outs of reproduction (don't snicker adults) as they approach/enter their child-bearing years wouldn't hurt either. With all this Maury Show and Teen Mom nonsense that would be a good move to help keep these knuckleheads from making all these damn Knucklehead Jrs. Children, male and female alike, eventually do need to learn about all the intended functions of their bodies but having 10 year-old girls wear halter tops equipped with pseudo-nipples holding a plastic baby wired for sound, suckles and all, up to their non-breasts mimicking the act of nursing is just ineffective as well as egregious or, as my sister Jacky would say, "Much too mutha fuckin' much."

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