Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Monday, November 26, 2012

Ratchet, huh? Okay, LL...

While engaging in Twitter banter with a homey of superior rhetorical repute, I was introduced to my latest reason to wail mercilessly on these hoes: an egregious misuse of the word "ratchet."

But seriously though... LL, you done FUCKED up nah.

It would appear that the Ladies' beloved Cool J decided to take a step backward into the shadows of popular culture, drop his True Religions and dump out this hot steaming load of misogynist crap. When I heard this last week, I assumed that the entire female population had to already be in an uproar about it, and I would be tragically behind the gun on my Wail. After a tireless 30 minute Google quest for outcry, however, I found that NO ONE had ANYTHING to say about the fact that LL has not only degraded himself with these kindergarten ass lyrics but this song is a perfect example of everything that is wrong with pop (read "rap") music today. Of all the blog posts and commentary I read, the main beef contemporaries have with Mr. Smith's latest lyrical "effort" (because I can tell he didn't really try) is that his sound is "dated" and he made a useless attempt to cling to his bygone youth and musical relevance. I have yet to read a review that mentions the negative and damaging ideals promoted in the LYRICAL CONTENT of the song. This, of course, just further goes to prove that not only do people fail to consider the messages they're taking in but music listeners could genuinely give a hoot about what you say as long as you're the right person saying it over the right beat.

In music, film, television and all forms of modern media, young women and girls (especially the Black and Latina sort) are being reduced to nothing with a perpetual barrage of imagery that would insist their worth is defined by the bulge at the bottom of their backs and the pliability of their legs. Is it true that there are some broads who would rather flat back their way out of economic slavery than go to college, hone a talent or learn a trade? Hell yes. They are called prostitutes and some of them live quite well. Am I glorifying prostitution? A little… but have I propped up the profession as much as the very SAME people who scorn it MOST? Not by far. The men/boys/fools LL emanates in this song decry women for playing games of material gain using pussy like dice are the EXACT same ones who write elegies praising these "ratchet chicks" for their ability to dance upside down on a stripper pole. So what you're saying, gentlemen, is that you mean to manipulate images of young women so that they might do your bidding only to be later demonized for fulfilling your every desire of them. Right.

Furthermore... do I detect a hint of jealousy here among the machismo of hip-hop culture? Is this direct contradiction of tastes based on contempt for women because we hold such great power in what would appear to be an unimposing weapon? It must bother you that the market value of dick has been in decline for ages. It IS a man's world after all, so it would only be fair that MALE sexuality get top billing.
(You don't get pussy whipped, do you, homeboy? You whips PUSSY.
) I would be mad too in this topsy-turvy world where the womb trumps the almighty phallus. Having a penis must be so very frustrating with a stigma embedded in every inch (or lack thereof). With great power comes greater scrutiny, I gather. No matter how bountiful your bank account, as a man you will forever bite your nails in wonder of the favorable size of your member. To combat that potential lack, the great patriarchal consciousness remains diligent in its efforts to conceptualize as many ways as it can to inflict its own insecurity upon the very reason man has been damned to live in constant fear of his nekkedness--woman. If it wasn't for Eve trolling Adam way back when we'd all be bare-assed and contented in Paradise... hence the praise/shame approach to women who take matters into their own orifices to get the best of men who elect themselves masters of all they survey. As usual... man would have us believe that we woman have brought this villainy upon ourselves. But if I may, gentlemen, I do have a few pieces of advice to impart...

If you don't like these monsters in miniskirts and Louboutins, stop building 'em homey. You want a  better brand of woman? Stop rewarding the generic ones so handsomely. You want us to stop making eyes at your wallets? Stop throwing your bank statements in our faces. It's not rocket science, man hoes. You want something better? DISCERN BETTER.

P.S: Would you people PLEASE stop comparing LL's cut to Brian McKnight's "Let Me Show You How Your Pussy Work" because quite frankly "Ratchet" is just offensive while Brian McKnight created comedy GOLD. I haven't laughed that hard since I first saw "The Human Tornado"...

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