Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Sunday, July 17, 2011

On Maiming Your Man...

Okay, Ladies... I wanna talk to you hoes for JUST a second. Any of you out there who pay attention to the news and such know that last week some crazy Asian drugged her soon to be ex-husband, cut of his jammy and tossed that jernt in the garbage disposal.


As fate would have it, on the very same morning in my fairly troubled hamlet of Houma, a few things went amiss up the bayou when an angried-up young lady threw hot beans and Pine Sol on her man then proceeded to cut him.


Much like Tyler Perry, I was inspired by all of this violence toward the male sex. Unlike Mr. Perry, however, I really don't see a need to glorify such behavior. Granted, sometimes these dudes most assuredly have it coming but congruently some of these women are just unstable. In the case of this new millennium Lorraina Bobbit, I I have no knowledge of the situation betwixt her and her um "fallen" husband, but as it pertains to this Houma chick (according to valued sources) she BEEN throwed off. It was only a matter of time before somebody got dealt with and homey just happened to be in the wrong kitchen at the wrong time. Even before I was hipped to the game about her mental state, I knew something had to be off with ya girl. Anybody who throws some shit as random as hot beans and Pine Sol on a dude only to turn right around and cut him anyway has to be on some ol' unstable, maniacal shit. Sadly there are many women JUST like her who handle conflict in the same way--irrationally and violently. Perhaps she learned at a young age that undue violence was then answer when she couldn't account for her own erratic female emotions. Maybe these unwarranted reactions to the hassles of life went unchecked for too long and no one could reel her back in to reason. Regardless of the root, she most likely just flew off the handle as she was prone to do and some simple-minded man got the dick end of her fury.

As for the former Mrs. Becker, I presume that she probably went through some trials before coming to the conclusion that she had to dismember her husband. She premeditated the shit out of this undertaking. She didn't just go ape shit in the middle of dinner and leap at his nuts with the chef's knife. She took the necessary time and precautions to make sure that this was done right. She was even the one who called 911! Homegirl KNEW what she was into from the moment she started those wheels in motion and I applaud her patience and diligence. This is not to say that could not have been EVERY BIT of crazy her damn self. Maybe her old man didn't buy her that Ferrari she wanted and she decided that he needed to pay for his affronts with his manhood. Who really knows in these situations though, right? I wasn't fuckin' either one of em so I damn sho don't have the tea.

The point of all this is: what will these women truly gain by maiming these men possibly for life? Sure, Mr. Becker may not know the pleasure of a woman ever again, but his wife is gonna have to sit down in REAL JAIL for what may turn out to be a nice lil stretch. The question I have for any woman who has taken such violent action against her man is: Is your freedom worth getting the last word in? That's what's wrong with some of you women. You will go to just about any length to have the final say. Let it go sometimes, ma! Let him keep his dick just this ONE time so you can go free. Don't throw those hot beans/grits/eggs/hash browns on homey and just let him walk out the door and OUT OF YOUR LIFE. He isn't worth losing another day of your happiness--not one.

But let me be real in light of all these criticisms I'm throwing on these hoes. The fact that I've been dodging committed relationships all my life greatly diminishes my right to speak on the subject of the pain a man can cause the woman who loves him most (or at least thinks she does). Personally I refuse to let a man get close enough to me to put me through such pain and heartache. Sure I've been burned before but it was never enough for me to say "Yeah, this muhfucka is gone pay for this shit with his life." At the very FIRST sign that a man will only cause me grief, I let his ass GO. I've seen what my mother went through with my own paw and I re-mutha-fuckin-fuse to let it go down like that with me. Even my own grandmother beat my grandfather within inches of his life behind some messed up shit he did to her. Sure it probably felt good to bloody the man who wronged her damn near to death, but think of those scars beneath the surface that NEVER seem to heal. For the rest of their lives, I can just about bet that my grandparents always looked at each other sideways. My mother and father haven't fully recovered from their fall out either and it doesn't get any better with both sides harboring so much resentment toward one another...

To put a long sad story to bed: ladies if the man you love/need/want is willing to put you through hell and think nothing of it, you're better off leaving him to it than exacting your own foolhardy, pride-driven revenge. Let the Lord deal with his ass if he ratchet. And if you MUST deal with him (because I KNOW how lowdown a man can be), make sure you can do it while effectively avoiding the long arm of the law. Don't go super-crazy-bitch, all willy nilly and thangs, making all of us look bad outchea...

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