Podcast: Wailing On These Hoes

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Facebook Status | Epic Fail

Once again the irresistible, balls-out allure of the Facebook status brings a "higher-up" down to earth.


The offender this hour happens to be an officer of the court in my home town. If you failed to access the link above because you already know I'm gonna make it WAY more entertaining anyway, this is what you should have known by now: Child support hearing officer, Bill Dunckleman after presiding over (the now disgruntled and complainant) Larry Luther's case in his court, posted this status on his Facebook page

"Just had a fellow leave child support court. He works as a bouncer and has twenty-three children! Of course he gets paid cash and thus pays no taxes. I think he needs another job as he has way too much time on his hands! What do you think?"
Barring the fact that this was the dumbest thing you could do as a Parish official and that he's at least 50 years-old so his fool ass should know better than to play Facebook games... does the man not make a damn good point? I would imagine that self-venerated Senor Luther wouldn't even WANT to come forward because quite frankly he oughtta not have time to do so with 23 chillun. Oh wait... that's why yo ass is in child support court ain't it? Because you don't have to really deal with em directly, just most imminently. I'm surprised he can even keep count! I feel like the issue here isn't that he felt his rights as a citizen were violated, because seriously, sir, if you got 23 kids you have a slew of baby mamas on Facebook who have booked you PLENTY worse and DEM'OHS most likely didn't have the decency to keep your name out of it.

How bout we just keep it real "Larry Luther" (two first names)? Just hustler to playa, between you and me. First of all, you feel played that this white man with authority got the one-up on ya. It would piss me off too if my judge and jury had the nerve to sprinkle even more salt on my self-inflicted wounds. Second of all, you just want to raise a stink in the hopes that you can run Terrebonne Parish through the ringer and make yourself some duty-free scrilla to help you feed some of them hungry mouths'a yern. If you hop up on that lump sum you can shut up some of those baby mamas and maybe even find yourself a brand new one.

If any of you think I'm being judgemental, please answer me this: If YOU had 23 chillun wouldn't YOU want to come up as fast as you could? I'd do ANYTHING to shut up that many baby mamas. I'd even sob uncontrollably on WDSU just to make sure they feel my sorry little plight. I'd sell that shit like I was one of Jerry's Kids. I might even go Antoine Dobson on 'em: "Block ya Facebook! Block ya Twitter AND ya MySpace cause I'm suin' E'ERBODY out'cha! Now run n'status DAT homeboy!" I would be an overnight YouTube sensation. "Dig Johnny Cochran up cause I'm going IN on Terrebonne Parish like it was L.A. in 1995!" Oh yes. They would feel me...

But on the strength though bruh... wrap up your salami before you hang it out. PLEASE. Not for you or that misguided woman or girl who would gladly let you raw dog her. Do it for that child who you could spare a life of government assistance, neglect and embitterment by being just a little more responsible in the moment.

To close I understand that when it comes to social networking many of us take it too far. Hell, I do it everyday and have gotten to be very good at it. The point is you gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and when to run... Okay that's not the point but here it is: Just shut the fuck up when you know you have something serious to lose by opening your mouth... OR your Facebook profile.

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